6
There is no second place.
Like most good little suburban girls, I grew up in the well-rounded throws of piano lessons, soccer and dance, a rotation which I finally narrowed to just dance in high school. Even though I left the “sports” world as a freshman in high school I still continued to compete as a dancer, and felt the wrath and pressure of the athletic industry where if you are not the best, you are nothing.
My dad was an all-star baseball player throughout high school and college, serving as team captain and receiving multiple scholarships and offers, including an international invitation to play for the Italian league. From a young age he instilled in my brother and I the importance of playing to win and never accepting anything less than first place. At the time it seemed like a lot of pressure, knowing there was only one option to be seen as a success. But now, I consider it one of the most valuable lessons I ever learned.
You see, first place is not just an award you win… It’s a state of mind. It’s a goal to achieve and a thought process that helps you structure and determine what it is you want and how much work you need to put in to achieve it. Everything you do you need to approach with the passion that you will learn, listen, observe, work hard, and persevere until you have accomplished what it is you set out to do. You don’t quit, and you don’t let life knock you down with every curveball it throws at you… because there will be more than you could ever imagine and each one will feel harder than the next.
Perhaps at times I live my life like this to a fault. Not EVERYTHING needs to be a competition; I am learning to accept my strengths and weaknesses for what they are, and pick my battles based on what is worth fighting for… in other words, what’s the grand prize? If I win “first place” will that make me happy? If the answer is no, then cut your losses and move on.
However, when I do commit to something, I’m all in. And I instill that belief and mentality in the artists that I work with, because THEY deserve that same push and tough love that drove me to never quit and to find my way.
In the words of my father, “There is no second place.”
What are you going to do with your life?” In one way or another it seemed that people had been asking her this forever; teachers, her parents, friends at three in the morning, but the question had never seemed this pressing and still she was no nearer an answer… Live each day as if it’s your last’, that was the conventional advice, but really, who had the energy for that? What if it rained or you felt a bit glandy? It just wasn’t practical. Better by far to be good and courageous and bold and to make difference. Not change the world exactly, but the bit around you. Cherish your friends, stay true to your principles, live passionately and fully and well. Experience new things. Love and be loved, if you ever get the chance.
—David Nicholls, One Day
Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.
—Think Different, narrated by Steve Jobs.
Love this song. Such a great message.
Who Are You?
Life has a funny way of turning you into someone you never thought you would be. From a very young age we are taught to put a label on ourselves, forcing us to grow up feeling compelled to follow the “dream” of our choice for the rest of our lives, for the consequence of NOT following that dream results in failure. In our first year of school, when the teacher asks “What do you want to be when you grow up?” we are immediately pressured to start thinking about our future, when all we want to do is play with toys, color, and hang out with our friends at recess. Do you know what I wanted to be when I was that age? A cashier. Because I thought I would get to keep all that money. It’s shocking my parents didn’t gear me up for a lifetime membership with MENSA. My brother, who is now entering his fourth year of med school, had the outstanding ambition to become an ice cream man. I’m confident he has no regrets.
But let me step outside for a moment from thinking about how career choices define us, and look closer at how who we are as a PERSON defines us. Lately, I’ve been an angry person. We’re not talking a bad case of PMS. We’re talking a frown-line inducing, short fuse blowing, be-nice-to-me-or-I-will-punch-you-in-the-face kind of person. And sadly, that’s not who I am. Years of internal struggling with it taking so long to become who I thought I would be, coupled with some bad burns and let downs by people and careers that I believed in and gave my all too, left me slightly jaded and immensely frustrated. ”It shouldn’t be this hard,” the sad little angel on my shoulder thought recently. If you love, you should be loved in return. If you work hard, you should see the reward. “Well get with the times sister,” the nasty little devil replied on the other side. ”The only person you can count on is yourself, so just shut everyone else out.” (DISCLAIMER: I am NOT crazy, nor do I have an angel and devil sitting on my shoulder. They reside comfortably in my head. OK. Maybe I’m a little bit crazy). For awhile, the devil was in the lead. That little sucker is convincing when he wants to be. He took the words I wanted to write and stored them in a place where I couldn’t reach them. He drenched my eyes in tears and changed my fat girl laugh into a starving girl’s pout. He stole my hope. And hope is not easy to come by these days.
But he didn’t win.
Because my angel was much more clever. She didn’t come at me with force and she didn’t tell me what I had to do. Instead, she gently whispered in my ear at night while I tossed and turned. She showed up in the bright smiles and genuine laughter of my beautiful friends. She sank her arms into the warmest hugs to make them feel that much tighter. She appeared in my inbox in the form of a job proposal, in my text message in the form of dinner plans with a loving mentor, in conversations with my cousins, in my bank account as a plane ticket to visit an old friend, and in the mirror when I pushed myself harder and harder in my daily workouts, overcompensating for my emotional instability by challenging my physical strength. My angel didn’t tell me what I had to do or who I had to be, she has let me try to figure it out myself.
To be honest, I still don’t know. I battle loneliness and sadness like any other person living in New York. It’s a big city and small town all at once, and I find it hard to escape from my own head at times. I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever possibly be, and I recognize that if I don’t lighten up on ME, I will never lose that anger. So I’m trying. I’m trying to smile more at people. Even random strangers. I’m looking at the positives in shitty situations. I’m feeling immensely thankful for the relationships in my life that I can count on, and no longer hiding out of fear and shame. I have never wanted to be someone who conforms to be what someone else thinks I should be, and I never will. You should change because you want to. Not for anyone but yourself.
The journey of life is about survival. You learn who you are in the high points, but you learn even more in the lows. You accumulate bruises that fade and scars that never heal. You acquire crows feet around your eyes and call them laugh lines. You do things to keep you close to the people you’ve lost, because even if they are gone they are still a part of your soul.
I think when children are asked “What do you want to be when you grow up?” the answer should be, “I want to be me.”
What Would Your Flash Look Like?
The series finale of LOST inevitably evoked mixed reactions, with many people feeling disappointed, let down, and aggravated. It’s no surprise, considering how epic the final show of this ground-breaking series was expected to be, that for a good amount of people it didn’t live up to it’s expectations. How could it?
The show ended with the same class and beauty that the writers, producers, and actors have bestowed upon audiences for the past six years. We grew to know and love characters on a level deeper than we are comfortable achieving with some of the most meaningful people in our lives. We watched human weakness and human strength at it’s finest, and related to the flaws that existed within and between the walls that define us. Our minds were challenged to believe in the impossible while accepting that there is not always an answer to everything.
Personally, I loved the way the characters were brought together in the parallel universe. It showed the power of human connection and the power of change, how we shape and influence each other, and most importantly how significant the love and connection we share transcends beyond the life we know. This show was so impactful because it offered hope during a period of history when people had truly lost it. It dared to provoke the most logical and inspire the most cynical. It taught us the meaning of letting go. We have related to these characters because in reality, we’re all a little lost too.
It’s difficult to cultivate real, true, and lasting relationships with anything in today’s world. Technology has offered us access to everything quickly, efficiently, and with as little pain as possible. If we are sick? We check out WebMD, self-diagnose, and tell our doctors what medication and remedies we require. Apparently, those 4 years of med school, followed by internships and residencies, are completely irrelevant. If we get into a fight with a friend? We reinvent ourselves and acquire a new group of friends, and then justify why these people are so much better than our old friends. If we get bored in a relationship? Hey, just hop on Facebook and contact your ex, or check out that cute guy/girl you met last week, or shoot a text to your hot co-worker (who is also in a relationship but always looking for a good time). You don’t like the job you’re in or the career path you chose? Change it. Pick a new career. I have. About four times in the past six months alone. Catch my drift? We want fast fixes, good times, and easy living. The value in love has decreased as the value in lust has increased. Nothing in our society is monogamous…
And because of that, I would like to say thank you to the writers of LOST. As I sat and watched that finale, my eyes filled more than once with tears of sadness, joy, and hope. (Ok, truth be told I cried in the first three minutes of the recap at 7:00pm, but if you know me you know that’s pretty standard). It was the perfect amount of closure for the ending of a six-year, committed relationship. I thought the moments you chose to spark the “flash” between characters and WHO you chose to rekindle that spark was brilliant. I’m sure I’m not the only one who took some time after it was over to think about what moments would flash in my eyes as my life played out before me, and who has touched me in a way that changed me forever.
We all have our version of the Island. Maybe its the town where you grew up. Or the bar where you always hang out with your friends. It could even be a city that you’ve lived in. I’d like to think that no matter where life may take us, how lost we may get, in the end we can still find each other and most importantly, find ourselves.
Adventure
The word of this month is “adventure,” because that’s truly what life has become. Each day I’m greeted with opportunities, friendships, moments, and ideas that lead me on a new path, and I feel fortunate that my feet are free to follow. Life is like a puzzle, and each time you fit another piece in the big picture starts to make that much more sense. Some sections are comprised of love, others friendship, and then there’s family, job, career, money… notice when they are all connected how beautiful the final product begins to look.
Enjoy the adventure. Live for the journey. Embrace the destination. Above all, follow your heart… it make take a few wrongs turns, but ultimately it won’t steer you wrong.
