This post is going to get a little sappy, so if you’re not into that sort of thing, you may want to stop reading now…
… But since you’re all secretly a bunch of saps, I know you’re still reading and I will continue.
The past few months I’ve dealt with a lot of different kinds of loss. Being a person that has a shit hell of a time letting things go, loss is not something I handle well. I lost my grandmother, who I miss every day and cry each time I want to talk to her and can’t. I backed off a freelance career in lieu of a steady paycheck and pure writing ambition. I finally walked away from the most unhealthy relationship of my life, and in doing so gave up the only life I really knew in NYC, along with the credits to a proud career accomplishment. Now I’m leaving my apartment of the past year, the one I wrote and published my first book in, and taking my gypsy soul back out to the land of sublets. It’s a lot… not more than I can handle but sometimes more than I WANT to handle.
Around 2 am today, I ended up in an unlikely conversation with someone that had been an unnecessary nemesis of sorts for the past three years. The story reads like most bad romantic comedies… old chick hates new chick in man’s life and petty behavior ensues on both parts. A year later, in seeing how life unfolded and how trusting the wrong people can be majorly detrimental to your heart and sanity, I ended up reconnecting with this woman, and last night apologies were dealt on both sides. It was a sense of peace that came in an unlikely place, and it was a side of forgiveness I was always too proud to experience. It was forgiveness that brought me to tears into the early hours of the morning, as I allowed myself to reflect on my life these past twelve months and everything that has changed. It was a small but significant step in a healing process that has not moved at the speed I would have hoped, but is taking the time it needs.
It was a lesson in the power of forgiveness. And for all of the amazing adventures that I’ve had these past seventy days, I think the greatest adventure has existed in rediscovering who I was, and taking action to be that person again.
There was no new restaurant today. No museum, or fitness activity, or exhibit. Some days, there is nothing more “new” than a simple fresh start.