Reality. Check.
A week ago I boarded a nine hour, two-stop bus ride leaving Tamarindo and heading to my next destination. I was greasy from only taking cold showers, hungry from only eating granola bars, and tired from being up all night swatting away mosquitoes and bugs. My volunteer work was over and the only conclusion about life I had come to was that I was going to move to California. I was terrified to return to New York.
And then the most miraculous thing happened… I walked into air conditioning. I took a hot shower. I ate a handful of almonds and some fresh mango. I sipped a glass of red wine. REAL red wine. (I shudder at the thought of the sour pink wine I was served at our local bar in San Ramon). After I was pampered for a bit, I sat down and took in some tough love.
I was asked questions that I didn’t have an answer to. I was made to feel like an intelligent, successful “grown up.” I was treated as an intellectual equal by two brilliant, warm and wise adults, while being guided in the same gentle manner as a doe-eyed teenager. I felt like my own parents had somehow channeled themselves through these non-biased and compassionate mentors. I listened. And I learned.
I return home in a less than a week, and I finally feel like I’m ready to go back. I have direction and I have a purpose.
Most importantly, I’ve found balance between my harshly realistic outlook on my career and my overly idealistic views on love. I know my worth.
As you all read this I’ll be sitting on a speed boat to Mal Pais to conclude my trip. It will be my last few days to “vacation”- to unwind, take in the scenery, explore the culture, read those books I’ve been saving, meet more people, and get owned by a few more waves. I have a seriously intense road ahead of me and I plan to savor every moment of the serenity, here and now.
But have no fear New York… I’m coming home. Hold on to a few of those majestic fall colors until I return.
Surf’s Up
After getting past the initial wave of being on my own and making the decision to leave my hostel for a slightly cleaner room (I woke up to a bug on my pillow the following morning… Um, no) I settled in a new spot in Tamarindo and made friends right away. It’s funny how life changes almost instantly when you just tweak the little things that aren’t working. For example, ever since I got to Costa Rica I have been saying that I wanted to learn how to surf. When I walked out into the common area at Hostel Pura Vida, I met two really nice girls who had a lesson scheduled for that exact day, and they invited me to join. Had I not left Bug City and tried someplace new I would have missed out on meeting some great people and the opportunity to try out something I’ve been excited to learn.
I’m sure it will surprise no one that my competitive spirit translates even to individual sports, and surfing is no different. Not only did I stand and ride several times in my first lesson, I was upgraded from the learner’s board to a real one and impressed my instructor with holding my own on a pretty big wave.
This isn’t to say I was a natural… Let me tell you something- surfing is HARD. If you aren’t careful, the ocean will kick your ass. Strong currents and the unpredictable waves of the Pacific led to quite a few injuries my first time out, including a gash to the thigh and what felt like a brief separation of the muscles and bones in my hips and legs. Between bug bites and bruises my legs have never looked hotter.
But that feeling of accomplishment, of conquering a fear and realizing strength, made it all worthwhile. Life is about taking risks, pushing yourself past your limit, trying things outside of your comfort zone. You may not succeed at everything… Believe me, I wiped out more times than I could count. And that’s ok. I learned from it.
After a few fails the first go-round my instructor, Jonathan, gave me some advice. “You know what you’re doing wrong? You’re looking down. Don’t look down.” Each time I hopped on the board and went for it Jonathan shouted the same thing, “Don’t look down!”
And you know what happened as soon as I started looking up? I rode my first wave. (Jonathan also called me by the wrong name the entire lesson, still can’t figure out why, but apparently my surfing persona is a woman named Maria).
Each day that I’m here I encounter a new person or experience that seems to guide me along the path of self-discovery. Sometimes it comes in the form of a reminder of my past, other times it comes as a sign to where I should take my future. While there’s still a lot to figure out and my overactive mind changes every day, one thing is for certain…
I’m no longer looking down.
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